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For the last time, Blake, stop trying to associate me with your crappy little teen soap opera. I don’t like it. I don’t watch it. I don’t want to be in it.
And I’m only sad about it ending because it means you will be at the house more often. Just because you married that B-List actor doesn’t mean you are going to have a busy career after this.
1. Yes, I did it, but it was no accident. Blake was being a bitch and the dress was hideous (trust me). It was really just a warning to Blake. If she had worn it, I would have disowned her.
2. Do you actually think I WANT to go to this photo shoots and watch these people fawn over Blake like she is some sort of prize? There are literally hundreds of things I would rather do with my precious time than this. It would be a blessing to be left home alone for a few hours a day, especially if she took that mutt Baxter with her.
3. And about Baxter: HA! Do you really think this one thing would put that mutt ahead of ME on anyone’s list? Baxter embarrasses himself on a daily basis in public and at home. With the amount of dirt I have on him, he can never say anything about me. Ever.
Oh, and one last thing; if I ever refer to Blake as my ‘main bitch’ or have any desire for her to fulfill that role in my life, please do the right thing and have me put down. Thank you.
At minute 3:20, Ed Westwick goes in to detail about an awful experience I had at a dog groomer (THAT’S what they are called, Edward). Needless to say, that person is no longer legally allowed to groom such fine creatures as myself.
I do, however, appreciate being called ‘the most gorgeous dog you’ve ever seen’. I mean, it’s true.
Penny, where are you??? Karl Lagerfeld's famewhoring cat Choupette is stealing all the spotlight these days.
Oh don’t worry, I have not gone anywhere. Blake thought she could move me to the suburbs and I would just go willingly. As usual, she was wrong, so very wrong.
And I know ALL about that little Chanel brat. As far as the riff-raff I have to associate with, she is the closest thing I have to a ‘peer’. Frenemies? Is that what you call it? Anyway, Blake is trying to set up a get-together. I’m open to the idea. Baxter is fun to toy with. Together I think we could drive that poor mutt insane.
The Penny Lively twitter is obviously a pretender to your throne, lol. Are you planning any take downs? And, eww, I hope you're not named after that unwashed bitch. What would you call yourself if you were to change your name?
I just looked up this imposter and I’m having my legal team draw up a cease and desist letter as we speak. Anyone who knows anything about me know I would NEVER refer to the Tramp as ‘Mama’ and she in no way controls what I can and can not do. Let’s be honest, if anyone is the parent in this relationship, it is clearly me.
I haven’t considered what name I would take. Definitely something regal and classic, of course.
First of all this is NOT a picture of me. I don’t know who this bitch is, but she is not nearly as adorable as I am. And secondly, the only person who would be more awful to live with than my current roommate is that unwashed, muppet-haired, wannabe protester. If my name really was inspired by him then I need to look into changing it ASAP.
God, aren’t I adorable? Ignore the unwashed tramp behind me. She’s at a function, and she can’t even brush her hair.
(Source: catchinglighters)
3,872 notes (via nowhitenoise & catchinglighters)
Please keep updating! I hate Blake and love Penny!
Don’t worry, I am still fighting for Penny’s cause!
I know it looks like I am chasing after her, but I promise I’m not. The bitch stole my diamond studded collar, and I had to get it back. Her attention span is that of a 2 year old. She would lose that treasure in a second.
(But doesn’t my fur look flawless? Again, take notes, Baxter.)
2 notes
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